A Love Poem Denied

I blissfully recall in great vivid detail
Every square inch of your body
As with any supposed imperfections
Such is absolutely invisible to me;
I cannot say for sure, I don’t really know
But I imagine you can do the same with me

That is, recall my body, in a state of elation
Me on top of you, you shaking beneath me
How well do you know it, how easily do you see
My eyes or my face, any part of my body

How hard is it for you not to just recall it
Sitting on the couch, with your beer, but she’d never know it
That you are right next to her, thinking of the shed and the chair
Thinking of my mouth, and of what we did in there

Your mind is your strength, you easily control this
Nothing gets through
With us, I am the weakness
Why would you even allow me to think this?

That all this time, you have been completely devoid of emotion
Is this the impression you intended to give?
You are only around because I initiated this?

How often do you think of me really?
Anytime of the day, even just generally
I bet it’s almost as much as I do
Helplessly fall into thoughts about you

I cannot escape thoughts of the smell of your skin
When at home and I smell you in every room I am in
If but for a second it’s as if you are here
I don’t look anymore, you aren’t ever there

I can hear your voice perfectly preserved in my mind
Even so, these are but words to you I am afraid
However, with intent observance you’ll find
That intensely I felt every word I have said

Just due to the length of time in your absence
By no means results in my not being able to feel this
A long time ago yes, but why the fuck should I get over it?
I meant what I said whether or not you allow it
What I feel for you has not anything to do
With what and who I am today
Even if you wanted me and someday asked me to
I could never walk away

In me is every need a woman can possibly comprise
And my body so needs your body
Nevertheless, I incessantly fail to realize
That no matter the depth of emotion for you
No matter the unheard prayers wasted on you
No matter how hard I tried not to think it
Weren’t we good together, did I fucking imagine it?

I was not feeling you as a loss all this time
Now you’re back, and I can’t get you off my mind
It’s driving me crazy I think of you all of the time
Like I said swimming in thoughts of you in my mind

For some reason with no impending hint of it
I knew nothing of your body, just that I wanted it
From the moment we touched and I mean that precisely
You made me feel like you already knew me
All the trails of your fingers on my back and such places
Leaving me burning where each finger traces

Breathing just inches from my sweat moistened chest
You run your tongue down my neck tasting each breast
Trying to form words, but fuck, you’re taking my senses
I cannot really explain it; it’s as if you just know it

If this all seems like such a long fucking time ago
Why do you not see me for years and still know
Exactly every part of my body
That wants you and needs you

With every light touch of your hand
To every kiss you place so carefully on my wet skin
To every time you kiss me deeply, and I breathe you in
To every electrified place you had been
Traceing, tasting, and touching my skin

This is the only way you have told me
What I mean to you and its deep,
You won’t say but you show me

For some reason in all of my depth of emotion
I seem presumptuous and arrogant in my notion
That you could want me as I wanted you to
That you could feel love, or feel I was worthy of you

All of this time our bodies reacting to this
As if we just know, familiar with all of it
Every move, every touch, every single kiss
People write books about this kind of shit

Why don’t you want me to know that you want me?
The thoughts I have about you are fucking haunting
Enough to make me wet and ache from way over there
And that’s every time I look at a chair

I think of you often, all of the time
You never are more than a thought away from my mind
I realize most of this is just one sided,
My heart is to open I should be more guarded

I shouldn’t have to restrain from these thoughts
I wish you had the simple vision of you
That I have and you would know too
Why it’s remarkable
That I love you.