A Maiden's Dilemma

A Bawdy Rime of Olde England by Ye Mistress Trina

She was..
Just a farrier's daughter 'til the Prince of Kent espied her, carting
Buckets full of water for the smithy's iron to quench, for
Shoes he was a-nailing 'pon the Kentish noble's steed, where-
upon the Prince decreed, "I shall have that comely wench."

But..
She was paid for previous, the farmer's son, Jack said. A
Plan he laid, sore devious, to warm his farmhouse bed. He
Spread the word the maiden's handsome charms she oft did flaunt, de-
livering his lofty taunt, "I had her in the milking shed."

She..
Did protest that she was chaste, and all Jack's lies were farce, and
Told him straight unto his face to stick them up his arse. 'Til
Ring adorn her finger she'd stay virgin pure intact, quite untouchable in fact,
With no urge to do the act, until a marriage came to pass.

Quite..
Throwed, then Jack did lose his cool, and needing further cunning ploy, he
Showed the lass his awesome tool, he hoped her doubts it would destroy. He
Swore he'd fulfill all her dreams, while Kent was but a nancy-boy – she
Wouldn't need a fancy toy, while she could stroke Jack's pride and joy.

But..
Whilst Jack's double fistful firmly gave her heart the twitches, the
Maiden hankered wistful for the Prince's regal riches. But
Alas, the royal peeny was, according to poor rumours, not
worth taking down your bloomers, sadly wanting in the britches.

In..
Need of moral compass, she consulted with the vicar, who ad-
vised avoid a rumpus while she chose who was to dick her. The
Rev'rend duly lifted up his flowing priestly frock, and
Showing her his beastly cock, said "One like this but thicker."

The..
Prince he was enraged about the slight on his ability, and
Challenged Jack to fight a duel to settle the hostility. But
Shedding blood was something that the gentle maid despised, and
Therefore she devised a different test for their virility.

She..
Enlisted Moll the strumpet from the inn to help her judge it.
Not choosy was the floozy, so it fell within her budget.
Whoever Moll did recommend would win the maiden's treasured prize, that
Juicy crack b'tween her thighs, and no man would begrudge it.

While..
Suitors took their turns throughout the night with manly thrusting, game
Molly did perform quite stout, with bedsprings close to busting. But
By the time that dawn had broke, though Moll still craved for more, they
Called the match a draw, both too knackered from their lusting.

Just..
Then a wandering minstrel came, a-touring round the cities,
Romancing all the womenfolk, with tuneful little ditties. A
Silken voice and boyish charm and locks of flowing golden hair, made
Ladies throw their underwear, and rudely bare their titties.

While..
Fathers locked their daughters in, on learning of his ill-repute, our
Heroine was in a spin, (the fickle thing) did find him cute. To
Be a minstrel's wife, chose she... no other man would suit,
Her love was strong, she shed her thong... and
As she savoured his sweet song, he strummed her riffs upon his lute... (mmm...)

The End, almost.

Moral of the story:
Girls, follow your heart and do not be swayed by materialism or men who show you their willy.
Guys, if you're not getting enough, pop down the pub and ask for Molly.

The End, verily.