A Mistory

I lock myself up in my room this evil horrid day,
and dream of blood and pain to help with my insidious dismay.
Evil, biting, piercing thoughts bring sentient happiness,
'Tis such blinding fantasies that drive me to such bliss.

Can a Muse destroy a small insipid mind within?
A mind drowning lifelessly in ugly sordid sin.
Perhaps my life and essence will simply fucking end,
if I don't reconcile the place my needy heart has been.

Why is life so infused with the temptation of the pain?
Why not peace security and feelings of the sane?
Am I just a stupid little crazy fucking bitch?
Or can a part of me still find the worthy feelings of the rich?

Life is such evil hell on this awful dreadful day,
sadness completely leaves me in crazed disarray.
Is there no one I can call today to clear my evil head?
If it doesn't happen soon I feel I may be dead.

Teacher does not answer me though I've called her cell phone thrice,
I'm sure she's with another due to my insecure advice.
How can I push her away to reach an idiotic bliss?
'Tis insipid ignorance and weakened avarice.

I'm unworthy of her soft and tender kiss,
Teacher doesn't deserve a child not full happiness.
I've placed this wooden cross upon my open bleeding fist,
Crucified as Jesus Christ with spikes beat through my wrist.

Pick up my Savior and goddamn answer this,
Why do you tempt me so when you do not exist?
'Tis a dark and dangerous place my mind drifts to this day,
If sun doth rise tomorrow I'll be a better way.

I seek your hand my muse,
I am confused.

~ ~ ~
Written 8-10-2009 after my partner and I had difficulties.