A Moment of Truth

It’s a feeling deep inside
It starts as a flutter
Frustration first
Till anger builds
Boredom sets in
Tension is pulled

My hands start to sweat
They tremble and shake
I feel the heat rise
I feel the anger grow
I feel all at once that I need to go slow

I feel I can’t help but to race through
Faster my heart pounds
Harder my pulse beats
Faster I walk
Faster I talk

Panic panic panic
Frustration mounts
Outlet I seek
Take a sip
Then a hit
I want out

I want to be free
I want to fly
I want to touch the sky
I want to be high

I want oblivion for the pain
I want to scream at the world
Fuck off go away
I don’t need you at all

Not enough
Another sip
Another hit
Hit me more hit me please
Give me that blessed white line of ease

I want it now
I want to run wild
I want some more
I don’t want to care
About you anymore

Drink till I slur
Snort till I’m free
Fuck till I’m numb
Cut the skin till it bleeds
Then do it some more

Take me away from that black pit
Bring on the colours
The lights and the stars
The rainbows and distortion
Of my life so far

Let me be free
In the colours so bright
Then hit me again
Again and again
Hit me once more to help give up the fight

I want blackness to descend
To sleep through it all
To ignore it and forget
That I don’t hate you at all

Let me destruct on my own
Let me fuck it away
Let me drink till I drop
Let me feel it tomorrow
When I can yell at myself
JUST STOP