- Erotic Poetry
- A Poem of Us
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She would come inside
If you only let her in;
She could make your world glad
Once you hear her sing.
Her heart will be your home
When you come to stay;
She will drive away your pain
And push away the rain.
She would be your queen
Her king then you will be;
She will be the one to hold your hand
When the lights go out dark.
Will you take this ring
My darling,
And cross the ile with me;
A whole new world you will see,
If you will only walk with me.
This is a song of us tonight.
- COMMENTS
quietpolyalmost 20 years agoI love it because it's a poem about hope. Every lover makes this promise. What a joy it is to see it articulated well.
My Erotic Tailalmost 20 years agoNice word placement, I wouldn't change what you felt no more than I would tell you how to write this poem. Made me smile.
YDDalmost 20 years agoA simple readable poem from a fairly new voice.
A few suggestions,
"in" is not really needed in the second line,
and either "out" or "dark" is somewhat redundant in line 12.
"ile" is spelled with an "s".
You also might consider restructuring the line:
"Her king then you will be"
it breaks the reading flow as now written.
Finally do you think the last line might have more power if "a song" was "the song"?
Keep writing!
