- Erotic Poetry
- A Poet's Touch
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A stroke I place upon your cheek
Sparkles clear as a spring heaved creek.
A red bird from upon your bough
Flaps a white-scented song, and lo,
The ripe fig falls unto your lips,
Your vivid smile with calmness drips.
- COMMENTS
WillowedCabinalmost 13 years agobut isn't sparkles SPAR-kles not spar-KLES? But now I'm getting away from the point: I feel like this poem sacrificed what you were trying to do to fit into a shoe size too small--namely, rhyming and meter. Also, the ending line 'drips with calmness' doesn't do it for me... not sure why.
twelveoonealmost 13 years agoKnow why you are inverting syntax in L1
I place stroke upon your cheek
L6 is dreadful
Try not being so "poetic", just suggestions, you got a 5, you can delete the comment, keep the score if you want.
