A Sleeping Love

I feel your hands rove over me, feel the calluses on your fingertips.
You gently pull down my silk chemise, and I shudder with anticipation.
My pink bra is all that holds you back; you gently, but firmly rip it from my body.

I feel your mouth descend on my obediently risen nipple, and I gasp and arch my back.
You softly suckle at me, taunting me, breaking my thoughts into a thousand little pieces, shattering the world into tiny fragments of glass.
My vision wavers, and all I can do to steady myself in the earthly world is plunge my fingers into your hair.

I feel you move from my left breast to my right, and the cold air assaults my flushed skin.
You pull me closer to you, as if to fuse your body with mine, grasping my buttocks for a firm hold.
My mouth twists in a triumphant smile as you kiss your way down my body, but you stick your tongue in my navel, and my face screws up into one of what I can only imagine to be pleasure beyond comprehension.

I feel you touch me, but I know not your thoughts.
Does my skin taste like spoiled buttermilk, are my legs too hairy?
Are my arms to long and gangly, are they just in the way?
I blush as I think further, and feel a tear fall from the corner of my eye.
You stop.
Am I fat?
Do you recoil from my thick rolls of cellulite and cheesecake from the day before?
Still, you have stopped.
I am unfit for the likes of lovemaking.
I am not meant to be loved, felt, fondled into the depths of blissful pleasure.
You pull away from me, in what I can only imagine in that moment to be anger.
You must have seen my body, my stretch marks low on my thighs.
I disgust you.
And as I gasp and fall as if from a cliff, I am back to reality.
I am lying on my bed, the sheets tangled about me and my silk nightgown hiked up to my upper thighs.
It is unbuttoned to below my breasts.
Sweat sticks the blankets to me, and my breathing is ragged.
I bury my face in my pillow, and weep for the loss of the perfectly dreamt lover.
No man to fondle me.
No man to love me.
Emptiness.

I feel the coldness of the midnight air.
You are long gone, a wisp of imagination forgotten in the realization.
My heart throbs with hurt and pain.
I am bereft of my long lost love.
My dreamt lover.
Damn.