A Soul's Salvation

I wake to the feeling that I am completely alone.
I'm not. But I am.
I have a made a choice today that I fear in my heart is the wrong one.
I have given up someone that I have loved for a very long time.
It has broken my heart harder then I imagined it would.
I miss this person.
I will miss this person's laugh, and this person's whispers.
I will miss this person's anger, and this person's ranting.
I wake to the feeling that I am completely alone.

I will miss the way this person touched me without ever touching me.
In another life, this person was mine.
And this was easier.
And there are no regrets, or and there is no deceit, and there is no misrepresentation of emotion.
And there is no hole.
No void.
No nothing.
I will miss the way this person touched me without ever touching me.

I have wished this person well, and have asked this person not to hate me.
I have been scared that this person would, and continue to be so.
I have walked away from a good heart because I had to make the choice this person could not.
For both of our sakes.
For the sake of a future that doesn't belong to us, but to each of us alone.
I have wandered from the what if, the could be, and the hope of.
I have wished this person well, and have asked this person not to hate me.

This person never had much hope.
I had all the hope in the world.
Hope has failed.

It will never be arms, my lips, my kiss, my tears or my laughter.
It will never be this person's smile, or wink, or hand gripping my hand, or whispers of goodnight, with the intention of the next morning.
It will never be anymore then it is right now.

It will never be more personal then it has become.
It will never be more painful now.
We are rescued from a world of hurt when ten years comes, and still there is no hope.
The only salvation in this is that this is no more, and now tomorrow will be easier to breathe.
It will be easier to wake up without hopeful expectation that this person will be there the next second.
It will never be more personal then it has become.

This is no salvation at all.
This is a perfect solution.
Salvation has been sacrificed.

There will never come a time where I won't regret now walking away.
I let fate hold the handle as she held it over the blue flame.
And then she bestowed it to me.
And then it burned.
Regret branded into a broken soul.

The realization of a salvation.