- Erotic Poetry
- A Submissive's Desire
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First I saw you walk toward me
Undulating hips catching my eye
Cock already pressed against your pants
Keening to get out
My lips parted in anticipation
Eagerly awaiting you
Pursing my lips
Licking them
Each step bringing you closer
As you unzip your pants
Seizing my head
Entering my lips
Sucking you with pleasure
Igniting as you cum
Relishing the taste of you
© 2011 Chiara_searches
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 13 years agoDon't take any notice of a sad old wanker sitting at home capitalizing his acrostic. He'll probably go blind.
theognisabout 13 years agoI think you should definitely have allowed the reader to slowly discover the acrostic during the reading of the poem, rather than by your immediately shouting it out in capital letters.
'Undulating hips' seems feminine, to me, and I agree that 'keening' doesn't seem the right word, for a cock.
With all that, somehow it's still a five.
*****
fridayamabout 13 years agoyou should advertise an acrostic by capitalizing--it just says "Hey, I'm clever", when it should be subtle. There are some good moments here--but what will your second poem be about?
Esperanza_Hidalgoabout 13 years agonot my thing, but think you may have something, so go, go, go.
