- Erotic Poetry
- A Vision
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For Amanda:
Like a mote I drifted, content,
Neither seeking nor longing.
Then unasked came a vision.
In my vision I saw wit,
First sparkling as the finest crystal,
Tinkling softly as a silver chime.
Then quiet and still
as the deepest river,
Then bubbling, frothing
as a shallow, swift stream.
Her wit flowed through me,
Finding an emptiness
I had not known.
It passed through the emptiness,
Filling but never stopping,
Changing and shaping
as a stream shapes the bank.
In my vision I saw beauty,
First full of life
Like the hills in spring.
Then pure and soft
as the snow covered heights,
Then passionate, searing,
as the earth’s own fires.
Her beauty flowed through me,
Filling an emptiness
I had not known.
Still I drift, content,
But no longer the same,
Changed by a vision.
- COMMENTS
buttersover 13 years agoto create a wonderful poem for 'Amanda' ... what's stopping it right now (for me) is that you're burying it amongst loads of lines that are cliché, which only serves to make this less than it can be.
the crux of your write lies within these lines, imo (please take this in the spirit it is offered, suggestions only); here, the heart of your poem exposed instead of hidden:
The Vision
[for Amanda]
Like a mote I drifted, content,
Neither seeking nor longing.
A vision passed through me,
Filling a strange emptiness,
Changing and shaping
As a stream its banks.
Her beauty flowed through me
And still I drift,
Content
But not the same.
