about you...

about you...

have you ever gone from being ok with yourself, to hating yourself in one day?
now i can say i have... i have several times since i first wrote this
do i have issues? yes... am i trying to justify my actions or thoughts?
na, i don't think i care that much anymore, im just stating my thoughts finally...
im tried of caring about pieces of shit or i guess im just acting like your friend???
don't know...am i perfect?
far from it...
am i right in my thinking?
na, im pretty fucked up.
im just being honest.

i don't make drama happen, just so i have something to talk about...
i don't think am better than everyone else...
i don't make shit up for attention...
i don't pretend to be someone im not...
i don't live off mommy and daddy's money...
i don't try to make you feel like shit, because you wont sleep with me...
i don't get into relationships with fucktards, because i can't be by myself...
i don't dwell on my past because i have no life...
i never hit my girlfriend because we broke up and she saw someone else...
i don't make an ass outta myself, weekly... daily... or even nightly...
i never lost who i was because i had a family member die...
i don't steal from others just so i can party...
for the ones who are my friends, i don't just "leave them in the dark" about my life...
i don't surround myself with toys because i have no friends...
i don't care if you thought i was an asshole because i said, "im glad kurt cobain killed himself"...
i don't think causing someone to kill himself or herself, is ok...
i don't get wrapped up in myself or what i do, so i can look better than you...
i don't stop talking to you because you were being an ass...

is this list complete?
i have a lot of rants
have a lot of wants and desires, i guess i could have wrote some of the bad things im thinking huh?
why have i wrote this?
i don't care anymore or do i care too much?
i guess i've been living a lie, to you and to myself.
maybe im acting,
maybe it's a joke,
maybe im telling the truth,
maybe it's about what you did,
maybe it's about the things i did,
maybe it's about what they did.

im not naming names and i wont,
no one needs to know that i have a problem with you.
but am i talking about you?
have you done something your questioning?
i know whom i wrote about.
you know we all have problems and i am no different.
i don't think im better than you, i don't think your better than me.
you're not better off having known me.
i have not made you the person you are today.
i did not save your life.
i did not destroy your life.
you don't care if you've made me cry.
i don't want to bring you down to my level by calling you my friend.
im sure you don't want to be on my level.
has something i said hit a note with you?
i wont lose sleep over it.
will i lose you as a friend?
you are going to do whatever makes you happy
was i even talking about you?
was i?
will i wake up with less friends?
will i have a shit load of emails asking, did i piss you off?
are you talking about me?
your still reading this and you think im talking about you, then i guess i am talking about you.

funny thing about this, even if im not talking about you and you have done nothing wrong. ask me, are you talking about me?
something i've said must have touched you, enough for you to question your own actions.
i guess i have a problem with being your friend because i have a problem with me.
have i known you for 20 years, maybe, we are not friends...
i may trust you, you may even trust me, but are we friends?
have i had your life in my hands?
could i be responsible for whether you live or die?
are we friends?

why im i ranting?
why not?
have i pissed you off?
why do you care?
what is a friend?
i know what a friend is.
but am i your friend?

friend
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion

hmmm
so just because i know you, we are friends?
so because you don't hurt me, we are friends?
hmm we are americans, so we are friends?
we went to school together, are we friends?
we fucked, are we friends?
charity starts at home, so because you kept that money instead of letting me borrow it...
we are not friends?
because i would rather hang out with you than them; makes you my friend? and they are not my friends?
did you ask me to that party you had?
did i say no thanks? are we still friends?
did i ask you if i could help you? did you turn me down?
are you still my friend?
why did you hit me?
you're my friend?

hate me yet?
why are we not friends?
have i pissed you off? why?
im not talking about you.
it's not all about you...
so then why are you mad?
if we are not friends why did you even read this?

why does it always have to be about you?