- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Abyss
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Upright in a pit of mud,
Slippery, deep, submerged:
In it above my head.
I grasp at the green,
Beckoning, tempting,
Siren's call of freedom,
And sometimes I escape.
Exhausted, panting yet
Free, elated, weight from my shoulders.
But then the wind blows just right,
Or the earth quakes,
Or I am simply pushed,
Or I wander and forget
And I am once more
Upright in a pit of mud,
Slippery, deep, submerged:
In it above my head.
- COMMENTS
champagne1982over 11 years agoThis poem is a decent example of how judicious repetition can quickly morph into something a little overdone. It's still a solid and good work but I would seriously consider editing out all the line starting Or's in the bottom half of this piece. They turn the voice a little sing-songy instead of keeping the reader intent on the mood of the poem...
I meant to click 4 instead of 5 but it's ok, this is a good poem. Thanks for sharing your work.
