Accounting and building

I agree with butters — tight focus. The first half sets up the scene. The boring slides suddenly disappear, replaced with and overload of the senses. And then comes the part quoted by butters, which is some really good writing.more...

this, in particular, shows your development, your tighter focus, your control over language

song of desire
of longing unleashed as her hand
planes the air off my skin
offers of a private tuition accepted
where
I teach her what I know of building
how to truss and tie,
how to scribe a line to fit tight
screw it hard,
she teaches me
a verbal assessment
and where to
pencil in the hardest numbersmore...

Belatedly

I had left this to mull over my comment. The problem at my age is that before it has finished mulling my mind often wanders off into other things - actually I think I have always been that disorganised.

Very, very nice. I am happy without the article (GM’s comments are always more than worth reading) & it seems more like film directions or something. Scene setting.

It is not just that it is highly erotic (which it is), you create the persona & feeling of the person so strongly.more...

excellent as a Chartered Accountant { personally i've always hated Power Point ]

my mind wanders when you mention " assets" & I wonder naughtily which asstes is the Poet hintin' @ the Lady's or the Company's ??, Tod ?! 5-ed .

I needed time on this, tod. That's why I didn't comment yesterday. It was an enjoyable read for the reasons others have mentioned.

Here's my quibble and hesitation from yesterday: I didn't like the first line, absent the definite article (the). Having said that, I'll agree that "The projector beams down as the slide flips" is probably not any better a first line.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but when I read a sentence without an expected definite article it feels like texting.

I'm wondering if the poem would have been better begun at line 4, given "Accounting" in the poem's title and the subsequent mention of "back light," and, if need be, work "projector" in later in the poem.

The contrast between numbers and the woman's sensuality made the poem erotic for me as well as your wonderful word choice in lines 8-12. demure's comment was spot on. The traditional male craft of building contrasted with the soft feminine image of the presenter also adds to the erotic affect in my opinion.

Perhaps it's just my style, but I would have segmented the poem into several stanzas in the hope of subtly drawing the reader's attention to a particular image I was conveying. For example, I think lines 8-12 work well as a stanza.

Please accept my comments as an effort to provoke your thinking, not as a right or wrong choice of poetic devices. As I said, this was an enjoyable read.more...