- Non-Erotic Poetry
- After the Earthquake
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Click herein the cupboards, cups are cracked
mugs fine but not upright
dinner’s all over the floor
and a fork’s dangling from the lace tablecloth
the mugs are fine but not upright
one plate’s chipped, a few in disarray
a fork’s dangling from the lace tablecloth
and the dog’s looking edgy
one plate chipped, a few in disarray
the chicken coop’s leaning over
and the dog’s looking edgy
so I’ll have to arrange something
the chicken coop’s now propped on the fence palings
but planks have popped out of the veranda floor
so I’ll have to arrange something
because most of the window panes have shattered
planks have popped out of the veranda floor
in the cupboards cups are cracked
and I’ll have to arrange something
cause the dog’s looking edgy
This is my take on a pantoum, tweaked a little to fit the material. If anyone is curious, this is my own, actual voice not a fictional character.
- COMMENTS
buttersabout 13 years agoabout those tiny tightenings making for an even stronger impact. a poem that leaves me feeling out of place having read it - loved it!
Liarover 13 years agoadds a line of it's own to an already delightfully topsy-turvy scene. World went a little bit mad, and now nothing is where it's expected. Not even the letters.
vrosej10over 13 years agoAuthorI am unfortunately one of those people who is really prone to using them. It's a major bitch when I'm writing haiku but I haven't been paying attention. I need to. Thanks for that.
Angelineover 13 years agoI think this form works really well with its frightening subject (and I'm glad you are ok!). I think it could be tightened up here and there: maybe change the gerunds to simple present tense (fork dangles, chicken coop leans, dog looks edgy). Also I think maybe if you were to remove the "because" and then "cause" in the last line, the lines would sound starker and have more impact. And this is a poem whose subject deserves all the impact it can convey. Just my opinion, of course. You take care, girl!
