If I stayed away from you
For long enough
It would all go away
But I don’t want it to.
I want to feel.
I want to bleed.
No more palms whitening to ice
Heart changing its rhythm
Stomach catching butterflies
Ears hearing a melodic symphony
Knees collapsing weakly from underneath
Muscles quivering and contracting
Mind ensnaring a daydream
I’d rather weep and taste my tears
And rub my burning blood shot eyes
And tear my skin until it flakes to the ground
And bite through the blue snakes in my arm
And feel the sting of ripped tendril strands
And crush my head against the concrete
And punch my chest into concavity
And punish myself for needing to see you
For seeing you
And then still needing you
The immediacy of it all
But I don’t want to forget you
And join with the lifeless masses
That live each day blurring into the next
It’s worth it
Those extremes that span the spectrum
From ecstasy to anguish, love to torture
Pain is better than the alternative-
Nothing at all.