- Non-Erotic Poetry
- All the Blame
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Authors Note: As I've mentioned on my other poetry submissions, these are lyrics for my band. Tell me what you think, don't hesitate to send me some feedback telling me what you think.
Descend into madness to find myself
Loyal only to deceit, I can't let go of this defeat
Across the Nile blood will darken the waters
The cross stained red by the thorns in my head
I will suffer the pain, until I can see who I am
Neglect the subjects you claim as your own
Infect the minds of those you blame for being alone
Reject the thoughts of a world we call our own
I will hold onto the final bullet
Never again will we be your puppets
Upon this dawning age of an empire
The sky's on fire and the world shouts in desire
Never again, will we wake, to see the mourning
Transcend the bonds that used to bind us
Christened by the blood of those I stood above
I was thrown aside all for this fated night
Innocence is tried and burned for the righteous
The flames consumed those who were blamed
Through the devil's eyes we see past the lies
Minds set to fail with the blind to prevail
Follow those who claim to know you
Hollow inside you fan the flames
All to replace the blame
- COMMENTS
Trixareforkidsalmost 10 years agoLike this one, I could feel the beat, was nodding my head in time with it.
L2 switch the parts "can't let go of defeat, loyal only to deceit. --wish I could remember how to read music so I could express how I'm hearing it. Ok. Last 4 words I hear as more pounding, no real pause between them, but emphasis on each word.
L3 blood darkens the water across the Nile
L4 drop The
L5 I suffer the pain, to see who I am -- again I hear the words after the comma as all emphasized, screamed in fact.
L13 I hear "mourning" 3 times.
L15 trod on instead of stood above, eh maybe?
L16 cast instead of thrown
L17 should that be "by the "righteous"?
L18 awkward, don't have a great handle on this line. Maybe, "flames consuming blameless souls"
L20 mindsets fail the blind shall prevail?
That's what I got. Hope some of it helps.
