All the reasons we shouldn’t meet.

We should go for a coffee.
Because you did ask,
and because I like you.

I like the way you smile when you look at me
the shape of your lips, the curl of your lashes.
Your coat, the way you wear it.

I like your eyes, their startling shade of blue.
The intensity they hold.

I like your hands, your long tapering fingers
You have elegant hands -sensitive, intelligent hands.

But I’m not sure if I remember how to play this game.
Have things changed?
It’s been so long.

And you are younger
and so much more proficient at this than I.

Will our teeth clash the first time we kiss?
Should I remove my body hair?
Will my stretch marks repel you?

Perhaps I am just too afraid,
too scared to jump.

In case I lose myself
in these exhilarating feelings,
in these unchartered waters.

Perhaps I am not ready to bare my soul.
Is it too soon?

I am scared.
I am not ready to belong to anyone other than myself.
There isn’t enough of me to share.

Or are these just excuses to hide behind?
to avoid intimacy?
Maybe I cannot understand why you would like me,
that once you get to know me you will realise how mistaken you were.

Would I rather not risk failure and rejection?
Am I still too fragile to leap,
Too broken to fall?
To melt into you and forget who I am?

I don’t know.