Allah's Warrior: a loss of faith

The fate of all eternity
depends on only this quest
Allah puts his faith in me
of his warriors, I am best.

But I sheath my sword for now
it's time to rest my weary bones
I lay down on this dusty earth
that may soon be my body's home.

For the first time in this life
I am faced with my ignorance
I pray for Allah to send a sign
before we begin the deadly dance.

The signs are not forthcoming
and I feel surrounded by a lie
Is it a sin to ask these questions
to seek a truth before I die?

I no longer wish you dead
I have no more willpower
and if Allah himself were to arrive,
I'd not pull away and cower.

If it was his voice I heard
guiding me all along
I don't want his Paradise
because I know I wouldn't belong.

Walk a mile with me, dear stranger
we will talk of the lives we live
If you give me your company,
I could ask for no greater gift.

For no sacred voice would lead us
into the destruction we have wrought
and we must escape this snare,
the death-trap in which we're caught.

I will question all my remaining days
for I will understand, I must.
I will believe in the journey now,
not a vengeful god I cannot trust.