Am I Living?

There have been so many times
Alone or in a group
Where I've wondered
What kind of life am I living?
When asked that by others
My response is always
A life.
But what does that mean?
I can't say I've always lead a good life
In my own way
I've done some fucked up things
But the opposite is true too
I've done some incredible things
I could give a list for both
But I'm not going to
I already have the list for one mentally listed
And need to take the time to put the other list down as well
I just never seem to try and take the time
One could argue I don't love enough
For anyone
To be able to make that list
But isn't that why I'm asking?
My own fucked up self worth?