America The Bootyful

Four score and seven years ago, Al Qaeda stole some tea.
Ask not what your country can do for you but who's on The Dream Team.
We hold this truth to be self-evident: Nothing in life is free.
God bless Billabong, Roca Wear and American Eagle.
Amber waves of grain, coated with Krispy Kreme.
The Union shall not perish; It'll join the Wal-Mart team.
With your shield or on it, unless you're Ivy League.
Go East, my son, East where labor's cheap.
All men are created equal, except queers and hippies.
You have the right to remain silent but not necessarily to sleep.
The land of Fox News and the Home of MTV.
Remember that Alamo has the lowest fee.
Work hard all day and don't you stop to think.
Then kick back and watch the brave new world on the television screen.