- Non-Erotic Poetry
- An Unslaked Thirst
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Click hereCopyright 2003
Just as a fire burns anarchically,
Running rampant through
This metropolis of tinder,
It can never be smothered out
By what it seeks; the only course allowed
Is to eat away through it's own sustenance.
Consuming the very fuel it thrives upon.
Exhausting the nutrients that further allow combustibility
The fire defeats itself by sating its' own hunger.
But, I am the fires' sentience.
The assuaging wine has been drunk, but I am not replete
So cosmopolitan, am I
Emotionally concerning you
From the absence of your words
To the soul wrenching ache that languishes in my breast
At the thought I shall not speak to you once more.
Frustrating, is this yearning, that in all likelihood
Shall never be quenched, but has to burn itself out.
The ensuing smoke wells tears in your eyes.
- COMMENTS
duddle146over 17 years agoThe Thrill is gone ~ the fires of passion will burn themselves out.
LeBrozover 17 years agoExcellent preceding comments, especially wordiness;
It is conceptually overflowery but emotionally bare.
In simpler terms, the words are too big;
Smaller words carry greater emotional punch.
And I agree too that there's a great deal going for this piece; just needs to be edited to make it lean.
jthserraabout 20 years agowith some excellent phrasing: "...metropolis of tinder..." I love that. I can see your poetry improving, keep working on it.
You'll want to fix one typo (its' should be its for the possesive of it) otherwise, very good.
jim :)
Angelineabout 20 years agoThis is a teriffic poem that needs a good edit. The sustained metaphor works beautifully, but there's some wordiness and fuzzy spots that keep it from really singing. Just my opinion, but your poem has so much potential--it just isn't yet reached. :)
