- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Analysis
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Through the dark present there's
a red line winding back those grey
days, youth. You might try to
investigate, shyly, and follow
the thin thread to find out
about night's voices, always
uneasily asking just why - and
softly one will hold on and shuffle
along, down the narrowing vistas,
back, back, back. But
the old train - chugalug squeak squeak -
gets stuck in the morning; quests
strand in widened eyes trying
to play their old games again, to read
through the well-known pages - don't
you remember? - without
ever really trying to probe
the sought-after core in earnest.
- COMMENTS
greenmountaineeralmost 12 years agoThis, IMO, is outstanding, demure. I usually hold my breath when an enjambed line is preceded by a preposition or conjunction (indefinite articles are the worst. Who the hell pauses after "a" or "an" before the noun or pronoun? We don't talk like that.) The rhythm of your language makes all the enjambed lines work well.
Some might say this is a bit obtuse. I don't. The reader can do a lot with it. There's a personal interpretation for almost anyone here IMO. I'm going to show this to my wife who is dealing with her difficult 89 year old mother living next door. (Who said only poets read poetry?)
I'm not sure why "grey/days, youth." "grey/days of youth" sounds better to me. Same with "narrow" instead of "narrowing," but that may be just my ear that hears it that way.
"presence" works just as well for me as "present" because either way I'm wide awake at 2:00 am thinking about all this stuff before the "old train" tries to run again in the morning.
tazz317almost 12 years agoaccept them as fond memories of days gone by. TK U MLJ LV NV
