Annihilation by Shadows

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sexgundam666
sexgundam666
2,809 Followers

Backing away into the light
Hoping to escape every fight
My only mistake was showing my fear
I feel the flames licking my skin
Trying to send me to hell for my sin

I've been the outspoken left as broken
To shadows, the blinding darkness
I'm a criminal for trying to believe
In something worth dying for

The will of the people annihilated by shadows
Matriarch of tyranny and the broken heart of misery
Each is left to wither and die, to protect our greatest lie
That every life doesn't end in this strife
That every knife inside our hearts doesn't need to be

Taking away the end of light
Forsaking each day for the night
To save the sense of self inside
I will grip the flames of my sin
And hold onto the hands of my kin

Just a criminal who stole to survive
Before me stands a killer as judge
To my right leans a scholar turned executioner
Behind me sits a jury of bribed prisoners

My sentence is death for trying to live
The pretence is theft for sake of filth
The axe is raised and swung fast
The taste of blood is a poison sweeter than the past
Their whispers run through my mind
As the monarchs watch with mindless glee
I see the ground come to meet me

sexgundam666
sexgundam666
2,809 Followers
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MagnetronMagnetronalmost 10 years ago

This is another that needs serious medical attention.

Flames give off light that annihilates shadows. This is like trying to mix oil and water.

You are having your head cut off by Royalty for stealing to survive. Why would they bother to witness your execution, unless you stole directly from their pockets? Work this information in for the reader's sake.

You know what is missing from this because you are trying to relate too much story from your perspective?

The arrogance and attitude of the people who don't value human life who are going to kill you. The more you impress this upon the reader, the more the reader will sympathize with the executed. So far, all you have is "watch with mindless glee".

Distance yourself. Become an onlooker. Now what do you see? Work those observations into the story.

You've inspired me to write my own version. I will be posting these in Threads for Metal Heads in the Poetry Discussion & Feedback forum.