- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Aries
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Click hereThe best grass in the best fields
--all yours, Ram, in return for
your fleece—which seems
like a bargain until you find your
fleece is golden and
requires your death and
banishment to a star-field where
the grass is piss-poor.
Your fleece, meanwhile, is
dangled before heroes like
Jason, a death-or-glory boy
happy fighting harpies or
cthonic armies in rusty armour
for the honour of wearing your
chafing hide around his
ham-like neck.
And who thought of you, up there
eating burnt air and
eternally knowing what it's like
to be tupped?
- COMMENTS
ishtatabout 13 years agoI rather enjoyed this poem but me being a farmers boy I must say Friday your knowledge of sheep husbandry and metallurgical history sucks a bit.1. You don't have to kill to take a fleece .2. The Argonauts shields wouldn't have rusted because they were either bronze or copper sheet over wood.
Pharon's comments might be more helpful if he sought Robert Graves help on the interpretation of myth.
I gave it 4 but on reflection should have been a 5 as this is the only example of the word tup or tupped I have ever seen in a poem.
buttersabout 13 years agoham-like neck... i didn't feel it, friday. perhaps 'ham-hock neck'? i dunno. it's the 'like' that's the problem for me. x
buttersabout 13 years agoleft me wanting something a little more, or the same but reworded somehow, friday. the beginning and end seem an original take to me, and the ending is the strongest part of all.
my issue with the middle is that, on first read-through and before making the required mental adjustment, i actually envisioned both the fleece and Jason being dangled before heroes! your wording allowed for that small ambiguity but that's what threw me. it probably doesn't others and was more a brain fart of my own making. but it's there.
your 'eating burnt air' is amazingly original and, as a phrase, stands out like a beacon in this addition to the series.
vrosej10about 13 years agoI liked it and it's getting a recommend. I think, for me at least, this is the best of the series.
