Around Every Corner Is You

I keep hoping the passage of
days will erase you
from the soft parts of
my memory.
I keep hoping that my
own sense of self preservation
will kick in and I’ll
look at you and not
wonder what’s wrong with me.

You’re not all I lost.
As good as you are, you
are only a man--
torn from me in pieces
of a whole in which
I had total faith
(pieces I called friend,
brother, twin, lover,
confidant)...
The dissolution of our
acquaintanceship ended not only
the wonder that was
our friendship, it
killed not only the
20 hours of no sleep
on a high
of just knowing you exist
in the world.
It also killed the faith
I had that life has
order, that a
higher power could
possibly be guiding
these endless days we call lives.
But that’s the bite behind
the glorious nature of
being so completely
wrapped up in another soul.

I am used to being alone.
It is no more foreign to
me than breathing
or waking up after
sleeping soundly.
What causes my downfall
everyday since I lost you,
isn’t being alone,
but suddenly
remembering that one day
you could see in me
so many commonalities,
and all the magic a cynical
boy will allow for himself,
and the next day, I
was somehow less than
enough to garner your
attention, let alone your wonder.
I’d gladly spend my every
future day alone, if in
doing so I could grow to
believe again that I’m worth
the time it takes to be my friend.