Attempts

I nearly bought a hooker for 200 dollars an hour
Her ETA was 10 at night, but I backed out as I am a coward
So I smoked Marlboro Mediums instead, about a pack and a half
And that is nearly 30 cigarettes for those who are doing the math
Then I went to my medicine cabinet and grabbed 2 bottles of pills
One for back pain, the other for caffeine, and popped a handful

Onto the fridge as my mouth was getting just a bit dry
What to choose from? Bacardi? Smirnoff? Or just a Bud Light?
So I drank and popped pills and I smoked, I did it all
And I was on a high, not wanting to fall
But I could not for the life of me pay for a prostitute
To have sex with me, what? Am I some kind of prude?

I haven’t figured this one question out yet
But I’m working on it, that’s a sure bet
And the drinking and smoking just happens to help
To ease my frustration on the cards I was dealt
So do the pills but I now digress
It’s time for me to close my eyes and take a little rest