Autoerotica

Do you want to know
what sits here in my lap
tonight? With wet fingers
pulling at the very thing
that you haven't known
at any time in your life -
except for what I've let you see.

No thought process here,
just fingers entwined
with dense, small curls,
wet and heavenly bliss
by myself, thinking about
what I could have ever had
if any of this were true.
Thinking of you,
just you, wishes unleashed.

Just your lips here,
and this time full-come
to the end of rushing
release by pulsing strain
as I sink deep again
into the same lie
that sustained my life
all along, for too long.