- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Awaiting Dawn
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The Past is gone
But not for Him
He holds his hurt
Within His skin
Trapped inside
A body so taut
His tortured heart
Is what I sought
The strength of mind
In which he lives
Keeps me from giving
All there’s to give
He fools Himself
That’s He’s not this way
When His truth becomes clear
I wait the day
My heart can’t take
The wall you’ve built
Just push that sword
To the hilt
Your time will come
To understand
I hope it will be
While we’re hand in hand
If it’s not to be
Then that’s okay
My nature will shine
Again some day
In Your galloping sprint
Away from me
Don’t look back
You’ve set me free
You’ve made me Proud
Of who I am
It was good to say
You were my man
A part of me
Will hold You true
As I wait the day
Your dawn is due
Let me glimpse You then
When Your dawn has risen
Just to see that heart
Freed of its prison
- COMMENTS
LeBrozover 17 years agoA sub freed by her Dom, yet she senses the pain he carries and hides. A couple jagged spots could use some tweaking, minor really.
Anonymousover 18 years agoThere's something you did very well here - other than, I'm certain, touching the heart of whoever you write this poem for. You managed to maintain a good flow despite of the rhyme, so it didn't feel forced, nor did it force you to any weird constructions.
On the other hand, I feel it could be a lot stronger at the imagery level, and the flow of the entire piece would have benefited from a greater attention to metre. Another thing that added to that choppiness that was mentioned was the sudden change in voice mid-way through the poem. The first part speaks of "Him", and then, without warning, switches to "You".
I also have a little knee-jerk reaction whenever I see those awful BDSM-chat capitalisations, but I promise I won't hold it against you. It would have been much worse if it were the other way around. :D
