Barnfield Avenue

Barnfield Avenue
Saturday afternoon
Brentford were playing
And father wanted me to go.

I remember screaming
Bawling at the top of my lungs
I was four maybe five
Far too young to understand
That parents fight sometimes
And children always suffer.

Tudor Drive
Sunday night
Pubs quickly emptying
And madness stalked the streets.

I watched her casually
Distracted by my own small problems
I was eighteen she probably twenty
Tomorrow a million miles away
Until it came crashing and she was gone
Taken by heroin and indifference.

It was the second time death robbed me
Tore away my closest friend without a thought
Whispered in my shell like threateningly
Leopold, I am watching you.

I shrugged
For I was shameless then
Without fear or conscience
Able to turn and walk away
From blame and responsibility
Much like my father did
Or so it seemed to me
Standing on the terraces
Surrounded by blue and white
And caring for nothing but the final score.