Beat Off a Different Circadian Drum

I saw him again like I knew I would
but still it was a surprise
having him follow my footsteps,
catching glimpses in mirrors,
precious air, re-breathing not quite
enough oxygen. I get sleepy.

I know he is coming when
the coffee gets darker even though
the milk is the same. It's colder
with the furnace set where it
always sits and the negativity
rises the faster I speak affirmations.

Go away. I can't cope with you
in my skin. Bennie prescriptions
go unfilled, spent too many days
detoxing them and I cannot do that
again. So the coffee gets stronger
and it feels like a terrarium in here

with all the heat and hot showers,
I can't seem to get warm or clean.
I cannot stave him off forever,
my skin and guts can't take it.
There is a light, just enough distraction,
I reach out to hold a ray of tangible

sunshine that lifts me into the brightest
part of my life that I will ever have,
leaving behind the winter shade
who clings to my toes. I cannot
rid myself of him entirely anymore
than I could a most brilliant daughter.