- Erotic Poetry
- Beating Fast
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I'm still working on a few stories. i'm just really kind of mixed up at the moment, so I decided to put this in as a bit of a teaser until I can submit the stuff that I'm working on.
Your heart is beating fast; mine is too,
I can't wait to feel all of you.
You whisper my name, right in my ear,
And then your breathing is all I hear.
You steady yourself above me,
Your piercing eyes are all I see,
I gasp your name,
And you do the same,
As you slam into me,
My mind is sent into a frenzy,
As you fuck me
Hard
Fast
and Deep,
And I feel the orgasm beginning to creep,
Up my spine, and through my head,
I can feel myself ready to explode on this bed,
You bite my neck, I'm almost there,
As I begin to pull relentlessly on your hair.
You moan into me, as my pussy encompasses your dick,
Your thrusts punishing, but pleasurable to me as you flick
My nipples with your tongue,
Oh god baby, ain't this fun?
I explode onto you, as you continue to pump,
And it's only a matter of time until you too are in a slump,
After you come inside of me; your cum hot,
And both our pleasures that were so lustfully sought,
Have been fulfilled, as we lay,
Our bodies having awaited that release all day.
You whisper my name,
And I so the same.
A devilish grin,
Your eyes lustful; filled with sin.
You ask, "Hey baby, you up for one more?"
"Oh no," I say, "I'm up for three or four".
- COMMENTS
twelveoonealmost 13 years agoand the voting
That way the anons can contact you via PM. (which they won't)
My question, once again, is what is the point?
Here is mine, some poets have read it and commented, that takes time. Good faith on their part, and you say they wasted it.
UnderYourSpellalmost 13 years agoI gave you an honest critique the same as I would anyone without any malice intended. I find it interesting that you admit you wrote it in a slapdash way in five minutes then complain when your readers notice the fact ... and say so. You can't have it both ways, either you accept the critique with good grace or you don't submit sloppy work
RawAppetitealmost 13 years agoAuthorI feel like I could really take the criticism to heart if I cared for it to be an actually well executed poem.
It was not intended that way, and I know that the fact that some parts rhyme and others do not takes away from rhythm and, overall, structure. But guess what? This is what I wrote, this is how it was written, and this is how it shall remain. I didn't put in my introduction to the poem that this was supposed to be a sestina, or a haiku, or blah blah blah.
This is not a professionally published piece and, while I may get the regular backlash that involves comments like, "Then don't publicly post your work!", I honestly do not care for it to be "proper". Yes, go on ahead, wonderful users of Literotica, and voice your opinions. But just remember: it's not like I plan on publishing this stuff. This is not my profession. This is a hobby. If I am EVER looking for criticism, it would be on my stories, and not on a singular poem that I wrote in five minutes and have put up as a filler, since I haven't submitted anything in nearly a year.
But still, thank you all for reading and for your criticism. It is often helpful and appreciated when it is in regards to something that I have actually been intently working on.
Anonymousalmost 13 years agoThe usual suspects are throwing stones from inside their glass houses.
