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Click hereChildlike dreamer, Bearer of Light
Sweetening the drowned out night.
Suffering a crowded tomb
Welcoming Morrigan's womb.
Praying, but not to their god
And beaten to their Christian rod.
Keep your faith, my weeping child.
Let your heart roam free and wild.
Leave your offering to the fae,
Follow your own path, believe your way.
You shine, not in their light, but your own.
Let them hurt you, mourn, condone.
Keep the balance, never cease.
Through divine love, you'll find your peace.
Watch the stars to drift to sleep
And know a pagan holds your keep
whether intended or not, I like that, It shows insight, TK U MLJ LV NV
how some authors are able to meter and prose shakespeare, TK U MLJ LV NV
How important it is to shine in your own light instead of someone else's.
Seconding the big number man's thoughts. You've got what amounts to a collection of couplets tied together into a whole. If you were to experiment with something like the ghazal with its easier rhyme structure, you'd still have to work the couplets so that each could stand alone yet also fit with the whole, as pearls on a string. Unfortunately, you don't accomplish this here, though you show major promise.
Watch that rhyme
Watch that rhyme
More important to keep the message unified.
What it looks like are two line thoughts, about the same subject, but not flowing together, melding.