- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Between the raindrops
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Click hereBits of clarity run out of focus lending motion to the still life taking place beyond the memory and time continues to race in parallels.
Yesterday, right now and never collide in a shivering sigh and reality escapes in a crystalline breath .
Love hate anger desire want need hopelessness disgust betrayal envy caution distrust fear emotion morals religion imagination trust hope.
Which is guilty or do I stand innocent.
Between the raindrops it’s all in black and white and seeps ever deep never washing away, always the stark naked truth.
Between the raindrops there’s no room for what might have been
- COMMENTS
twelveooneover 16 years agototally agree with champagne1982, shows you are thinking, but with your list it is abstract things and that is the centre of the poem, concrete works better, I'd rather see blood, piss and sycamore trees, than love hate etc, even penis envy would have been better.
LeBrozover 16 years agoVery stark realism well put together but that third stanza seems to bog down a little with so much listed. Perhaps, as a suggestion, you might try something like this:<br>
<br>
Emotions of love hate anger want hope<br>
and so many more.<br>
Which is guilty or do I stand innocent?<br>
<br>
Of course you could tweak it in other ways. Or just tell me to take a hike.
champagne1982over 16 years agoI like the look of the double letters throughout the poem. It lends a visual suggestion of your reasoning behind the word choices. Good poem.
You use a list of suggestive words, but I can't say as that is my favourite part. (This is only my opinion, but I think lists really belong forgotten on the kitchen counter the next time you go shopping.)
Thanks for sharing.
