Bittersweet Love

If I could only show you my heart-
Instead of the words.
If I could show you the anguish and pain-
The love- the desire-the need
The sadness and hurt.
The joy of being with you-
Marred only by the thought of leaving you
Put aside until the moment-
And struggling with the promises made to another
And the desires of my own heart-
And my honor winning out-
Only because there are some things that are right
(And for me to go against them would make me turn into someone that I am not)
My honor may seem foolish to you- but without it
I lose everything I am
Oh my love- my heart and soul
If I COULD show you-
Maybe you would then understand why-
I have asked you to tell her the truth-
Because I myself have been living a lie.
I have stopped lying to myself.
I AM unhappy.
But I know that if I leave- I will be more so-
Because I will have destroyed the lives of two people who need me
And Love me- more than you ever could
But to stay gets harder and harder.
As each day passes-
I know that the time comes
I will leave.
But the time is not now.
My needs grow stronger
And I weep.
Because my pain grows
And my needs go unmet-
So that I can meet the needs of the children
And others less important
My soul cries out for its mate
During our times together
Bittersweet joy
And I know that some time- I will have to choose.
But for now I wear the brave face-
As you tell me that someone has come into your life to fill my place
Because I cannot give you what you need-
And I give what I can-
When I can-
And wish you joy.
I will always love you-
With all my soul.
And yet- I am bitter-
Because I give you my all-
Every part of me.
And in return
I know you love someone else-
And though you still proclaim your love for me-
It only hurts me more.
I cannot ask you to choose-
It would be wrong
And would drive a wedge between us.
And though I long for your touch-
Your kiss-
And to make love to you-
I know that I cannot-
And this is the deepest cut of all.
Know this- and you will know the true depth of my love for you,
I have always looked past the outside
And into your soul
And there I have seen my love, my soulmate, and my heart.
I have seen with you the things that could have been-
And regretted what I could not change.
I see the things that could be-
If only we have the patience to wait
I love you