- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Blank Pages
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Click hereBlank pages are frightening.
The ones with the blue lines,
As those in blue jean packages
Standing at the front door.
He is so different.
The façade the same, but the rest a changed person.
Time has helped. Age has helped.
The small lines under His eyes traveled into his spirit and added a depth.
That was not there before.
So much was not there before.
That look, that hug, that kiss, not there before.
But it is so hard to say that a stranger stands before me
Because all of the good still remains.
Though I can't recall what that was since the computer trash box ate away Memories once transcribed through tears, sorrow and rage.
I drove down Tenth Street today,
Attempting to recall all of our places.
They now seem so dirty and old.
But those were the ones pertinent to our relationship
Or was it best called a friendship?
I guess it was the kind of ship
Stopped by muddy waters while
The many onlookers climbed aboard
Offering steerage.
But, no one knew where we were going, since we travelled in the dark of night The time when the clouds of confusion and guilt blind best.
Just down the street is the store where you worked when we met.
When we me was the easy part, wasn’t it?
Or at least the uneventful part.
Cordial pleasantries turned into familiar exchanges
Developing a friendship, nothing covert in nature.
Soon late night talks became dark hour confessions
And only the sounds of our voices cut through the night air.
Seamlessly, the excising of all others was accepted
Even welcomed it appeared.
Now, I stand here looking at you.
In those jeans and that smile
So much ado and so much time
So much that mattered, so much that hurt, so many opinions
Gone now.
Tears dry, sorrow vanquished, rage spent,
Hope high
Demanding nothing, wanting nothing, offering not an ultimatum,
But only that which has always been unconditional.
- COMMENTS
duddle146over 17 years agoThough time changes everything and everyone still the good that was there still remains with arms outstretched.
LeBrozover 17 years agoWell done piece and I concur with Jim
Ought to excise about half that's written
Too much verbiage overloading the message;
Read a couple times and see how it flows -
The first and last dozen lines or so work well;
The rest is dead weight, keeping this from being excellent.
jthserraover 19 years agobut it is intersperced with some rough prose that I think weakens the focus of the poem. The first for lines, maybe six lines grabbed me and I thought wow... this is fine poetry, but then came a longer line, tossed in too casually. This can work, but a prose like line in the poem will attract attention and therefore must be as strong if not stronger than the poetry surrounding it.
ie. "Though I can't recall what that was since the computer trash box ate away Memories once transcribed through tears, sorrow and rage."
While the content of this line is heartfelt, it lacks the intense focus you held in the lines preceeding it. There are several other passages where you slip away and I think it weakens the poem.
There is an excellent poem here, you just need to trim away the excess and find it. I think if you remained consistant with the first four lines and either eliminate or shorten the other lines this poem will soar.
"Blank pages are frightening.
The ones with the blue lines,
As those in blue jean packages
Standing at the front door.
He is so different.
The façade the same,
but the rest a changed person.
Time has helped. Age has helped.
The small lines under His eyes
traveled into his spirit
and added a depth.
That was not there before.
So much was not there before."
I think something like this... with perhaps some minor tweaks.
Like I said, fantastic poem here, you just need to trim away the excess.
jim : )
My Erotic Taleover 19 years agoyour literary art in emotions poeticly displayed~
blank page~ compiled cute string of words dancing to an order.
