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Click hereTentative rapping of knuckles on wood
Cheeks flush, she’s not ready
Her clothes on the bed
Black is so tasteful
But red says she could
Scuffle of chaos seeps under the door
Ears perk at the sound
He makes sense of the noise
We’ll be late, he sighs
Foot tapping the floor
Visions of ecstasy float through his mind
Her face like an angel
She drinks him all in
Her eyes dare not linger
The view from behind
Aromas so heady seduce palate and nose
Sweetness and savory
Smokey meats lure
Foreign tongue on the menu
Blindly they chose
Minds from the poison slightly fuzzy and high
His gin and vermouth
Her Sweet appletinis
She lets him believe
It was his plan to try
Defenses like raindrops fall to the ground
Her insides tremble
He makes his advance
They fall into bed
Lusty pleasures abound
Velvet vice squeezing and milking it dry
Tongues dancing together
Fingers sweaty entwined
Waves crashing forever
Echoes lust’s sigh
Spastic and panicked thoughts flood her brain
Rays tickle her eyelids
Night’s memories return
Afraid that he’d left her
Loath he’d remain
in which I didn't mind the rhyme at all. It gives the piece a certain grace. Besides, it's a really fun piece. Nicely done.
The rhyme certainly isn't overpowering. It's subtle and that really works in the poem's favor. There are some very good lines. Overall, the poem is really good. I've already said that you have potential. I think your poetry will keep getting better.