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Click hereThere are nights like these,
when I wanna lose control.
Your look burns me from across the room,
feeding the fire already burning,
from a single thought of you.
We steal away from the world.
Seeking the solace and potential
of smoothly laid sheets
on a mattress we will soon rumple.
Take me in your arms,
throw me down on the bed.
Kiss me hard.
Make me yours.
Take me there.
Tonight I'm not so shy anymore.
Desire tastes so sweet.
I can hardly wait,
as I strip you down,
my hungry lips parting,
in anticipation of all you offer.
Draped in sheets,
beaded in sweat,
I steadily caress your length.
My lips, tongue and hands,
worshipping every inch.
Don't hold back dear,
let me hear you moan.
Pulling me towards you,
you lay me back.
I brush the moisture from my brow.
I long to taste your lips.
I wrap my legs around you,
and you smootly slide inside.
Animal bliss,
beautiful pain,
you rock inside me
as my hips meet yours.
Toes curled,
moaning symphonies,
the rest of the world
no longer exists.
The first half of this poem sounds like a bad rock ballad. The second half contains much more action. It give the feeling that the first half of the poem doesn't go with the second half. I'd also suggest being more descriptive with your writing. For example, don't tell us that two people kiss-- describe it to us (we'll figure it out).