Buk and Perdy - Two Dirty Old Men

GP , here's a third Dirrty Ole' Man : yours truly, also admirin'

These two DOMs !!!

Thank you both so much

I can see where Ange is going but I feel it's beyond my scope. I do appreciate the suggestion tho'. I also very much agree with GM's idea about work-shopping poems in the thread. I do enjoy using the vernacular in my narrative poetry...wicked eve helped me greatly with that.more...

I read Angie's comments and re-read the poem. I miss the days when we would "workshop" a poem in New Poems. It seems like there was greater interest to do that here than in PF&D.

Angie's take intrigued me. I still think it works well as a stand alone, even moreso now with my 2nd reading because the gritty language in the last stanza sunk in more. "Scream from our cages.....helped us/to feel free" says so much.

I'm not shy about making suggestions, but quite honestly I'm hard pressed to make any here.more...

Your thanks to GM brought me here and I love this poem :)

I agree with GM that it doesn't matter if this is truth or fiction. It's a riveting narrative in the style (to my thinking) of a dramatic monologue. I can't (and don't) fault any of the writing. How can I with lines like that second strophe, for example? The problem I see is that the story is too big for the poem, which means you need to shrink the story or enlarge the poem. As it stands, we know Buk and Perdy are two horndogs who befriend each other at a place like this and maybe had a competitive writing thing going on that resulted in the making money on Amazon. That's a very cool story (and likely true for a few Litsters), but I feel like I'm only seeing it in very broad strokes.

Now if this were the intro to a series of poems on these two that fill in more narrative details, well hell, I'd buy that on Amazon! It appeals to one's prurient interests, there's endless possibilities for more poems. This piece here is--of course--really good writing. You don't do less than really good writing. But you may have a book here.

Feel free to ignore my cockamamie opinions if they don't suit lol. And thank you for the clear and fascinating look at these two characters you've created.
xxoomore...

What I like about this, GP, is you don't have to know who the poets were to appreciate the poem; skillful writing IMO.