- Erotic Poetry
- By the time I get to Phoenix
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Click here“By the time I get to Phoenix
You’ll be rising.”
You won’t find the note
Circumstance thumb tacked to my heart.
How I wanted to plead
As you placed The Bag inside my trunk,
“Please, keep me here!”
I submissively offered my lips in the customary, allowed parting, instead.
My eyes were riveted to my rear-view mirror
As the vision of where we’d been
Grew smaller
Until out of sight.
I offered myself anesthesia
By dwelling on the release we’d shared.
The scent of you lingered, on me. So savory is Your taste!
I was already imagining the next time You might send for me.
I drove home, warm and prickly, needing to belong…somewhere.
And, I did not break down in need for more of You
Until I woke, hours later.
“By the time I make Oklahoma,” you’ll be at the gym.
You’ll smile, when I enter the lobby, tomorrow.
And will already have the answer to the question
That I dare to secretly ask myself…
“Is My One Man, My One Master worth every pain?
Yes! Without the shadow of any doubt!!!
“By the time I get to Phoenix…”
I will turn ‘round, every time,
Crawling, in needed return, pleading for more and more.
Brigid, for Sting
January 11, 2008
- COMMENTS
tazz317over 11 years agobut its there and so will remain, TK U MLJ LV NV
WomanPariahover 16 years ago...including "I offered myself anesthesia/By dwelling on the release we’d shared". I do agree that this could use a fair bit of tightening, but even without that, it flows fairly well. My only issue might be the title. I went looking for references or allusions to a Phoenix, the bird of lore, but could find none in the poem. I may well have missed them, i do that. I appreciate that Phoenix, being a city in Arizona, is relative to the proximity of Oklahoma to flesh out a time line in the poem, but since this poem doesn't really seem to be an ode to the Jimmy Webb song, it might be more effective to use, for example, Sante Fe (?), and it might be less confusing ... but if left as Phoenix, for whatever reason you need to use that particular town, i might recommend then using quotes around the entire first line (to avoid lawsuits if nothing else ... seriously).
BUT, i'm rarely drawn into a master/sub poem to any degree at all, so you've done enough here in terms of mood, nuance, characterization to make this work for me. Thanks for the read.
KOLKOREover 16 years agoI liked the image of the relations through the back mirror. In fact I believe that the poem could have been even stronger if it ended at the end of the third stanza.
LeBrozover 16 years agoA fine write on a sub's plight; torn but ever wanting more. Could be better with some tightening; one spot in particular, for example, causht my eye:<br>
<br>
<i>Grew smaller and smaller<br>
Until it was out of sight.</i><br>
<br>
would have greater impact both verbally and visually if cut to:<br>
<br>
<i>Grew smaller<br>
Until out of sight.</i><br>
<br>
Just a suggestion.
