Chasing An Elusive Conversation

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125 words
4.75
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wakingDown
wakingDown
653 Followers

You were so good with words
I could never pin you down
     Could never keep you lashed to one thing for long
You always danced idly away
On a puff of fine-spun bullshit

Smiling like a hungry cannibal
You waltzed easy through reason
     Leaving thick walls of excuses in a teeming throng
Blocking me from ever catching
Or hoping to outmaneuver you

Always one sly step ahead
In conversation and in query
     And your light steps never seemed to be wrong
Always on the outermost edge
Of my grasping clawed reach

A chase that I have loved so
And sweetly hated all the same
     Always going over the same old meandering song
As I tried to coax you back
But you're good with words

wakingDown
wakingDown
653 Followers
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2 Comments
AngelineAngelinealmost 9 years ago
Congrats on the E

I agree with GM that this is a well-deserved E. There are no missteps in the poem, it has some amazing lines ("waltzed easy through reason" really grabbed me, too), and those long rhyming third lines give the poem continuity and symmetry. You're good with words, too. :)

greenmountaineergreenmountaineeralmost 9 years ago

Congratulations on the editor's choice designation, wakingDown. This was nice and tight, nothing superfluous in it. "You waltzed easily through reason" is a killer line, particularly right after "hungry cannibal."

"A chase that I have loved so/and sweetly hated all the same" was the high point. It occurred to me that the poet could have been talking to himself as much as he could have been talking about another person. I like that. It made me use my imagination.

"On a puff of fine spun" IMO was good enough to prevent "bullshit" from sounding like cliché, which it often is. I'm not being prudish about the word. It's just that I don't think it's as effective at demonstrating your scorn as are "waltzing" and "cannibal." It would be interesting to see if the line could be worked in some other way while keepin "puff of finely spun;" maybe not, so take my comment as a bite-size quibble about this well written thought provoking poem.

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