Cheez Whiz Wizard

[sung to the tune of "Won't get fooled again"]

Ever since I was a young chef
I’ve spread that Whiz so fine.
From Burma to the Yukon
been spreading all the time.
But I ain’t seen nothing like him
in all my kitchen biz,
that deaf, dumb and blind chef
sure spreads a mean Cheez Whiz.

He stands with knife in hand
becomes part of the orange cream.
Thinks “a little dab’ll do ya”
and always spreads it keen.
Knows by intuition
just where that sliced bread is,
that deaf, dumb and blind chef
sure spreads a mean Cheez Whiz.

He’s a Cheez Whiz wizard, there’s got to be a trick
A Cheez Whiz wizard, makes such a good sandwich.

(“But do you think he can taste it?”
“I don’t know”
“Are his taste buds mute as well?”)

Ain’t go no distractions,
can’t hear no dishes break,
he don’t see the fridge light flashing,
but he never breaks an egg.
Always scores perfection
on the Kraft spread quiz,
that deaf, dumb and blind chef
sure spreads a mean Cheez Whiz.

I thought I was the Kraft spread king,
but I just handed my crown of cheese to him.

Even on my favourite brown bread
he outdoes my best.
His assistants lead him in
and he just does the rest.
He’s got crazing spreading fingers
knows where that bread is,
that deaf, dumb and blind chef
sure spreads a mean Cheez Whiz.

***
"Cheez Whiz" and "Kraft" are registered trademarks, but seriously, this is no ringing endorsement for any of their products. No, really.