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Click hereA nice moonlit night me and you by candlelight eat dinner our hands touching one another caressing each other as we talk about each others day soft music playing in the background. I stand up and take your hand and take you to the middle of the floor and we start to dance our bodies touching each other our desire building inside for one another you can feel my hardness against your stomach. We try to resist your desire but it takes over and we start to kiss passionately as we fall to the couch I pull the straps to your dress down and reveal your breast and start to lick and suck on them tell me to stop you pull off your dress and toss it aside I then take off my clothes now we’re both naked. I tell you to wait and go to the kitchen and come back with some chocolate syrup and whip cream. Seeing the look in your eye you know what I’m about to do so you lay on the couch as if accepting your fate as I pour the chocolate syrup on your body starting at your breast and moving down to your pussy then doing the same with the whip cream you look good enough to eat mmmmmm I think I will as I bring my head down to your breast and start to lick the chocolate and whip cream off moving my tongue around your breast and to your nipple sucking on it I can hear you moan my name and say more don’t worry I still have more dessert to lick off of you then I move to your other breast make sure I take my time hearing moans escape your mouth I then stop between the valley between your breast and start licking just to torture you I see its working as you try to move my head with your hand but I’m not moving are you trying to tell me some thing I say as you beg me to continue I continue my tongue bath to your breast and doing the same that I did to the other one but this time biting your nipple you moan loudly when it happen then I lick your nipple making it feel better and travel my way down your stomach to your bellybutton I lick around it a couple of times and continue down towards your pussy I then proceed to lick the whip cream and chocolate from around your pussy not touching your lips I can hear you whimper cause I’m not paying any attention to your wet pussy decide that you had enough torture I run my tongue up and down your pussy then I take my finger and insert two inside of you. You moan loudly as I pump my fingers in and out of you and I lick and nibble on your clit and you yell that you were cumming as your body started to shake violently as your orgasm racked through your body. Finally settling down you pull me on top of you and kisses me and you whisper in my ear tomorrow is your turn as we fall asleep in each other arms.
exspression of passion in an all out run of a write, passion poetry is found in the threads why not excepted here? they have the Enemies of the mind syndrome, I read what you wrote the way you expressed yourself was passionate, vibrant, energetic and wonderful, trial and error are the forward and backward pulls in sharpening the mind. Those who find they can't read without punctuation are those who drive very carefully needing to be told when and where to stop, I can hang in there with the best of them and let them put the pedal to the metal, let poetry roar, <grinin>
IagreewiththeothersthatthisisjusttoohardtoreadforenjoymentWhynoteditandresubmititinadifferentformat
I've been guilty of writing a block of unpunctuated prose and placing it in the middle of a poem so i'm reluctant to criticize you for doing something similar but I think you need an artistic reason for doing it and to know why you are doing it.
You have some good ideas in this work that are lost because of the execution of the work.
and the poem has potential but
this needs alot of editing,
the huge block of writing is
just too much on the eyes and
there is not enough punctuation.
this is constructive critism
and not meant to offend.
Thanks.
~ J