- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Closed Forever II
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I stand on the outside looking in ~
Through the rain spattered window.
That which I see on the other side...
Forever out of reach.
As I turn away, to continue walking,
Unmindful of the chill wind, whipping
Around me, and the drops of rain,
Stabbing at me, as they mingle with,
Then wash away, all traces of my
Tears.
Mindless of the people scurrying
Past, or the occasional bumps of
Others in their rush to stay dry...
My feet continue to carry me onward,
And I am unaware of the one who
Follows... at a distance.
The sound of the surf now pounds
In my ears, as I approach the craggy
Outcropping of rocks... looking as
Obsidian against the gray sky.
The rain has made the surface slick
Like glass.. and the wind threatens
To pick me up.
The churning water now beneath
Me; the one who followed, who
Made sure to remain at a distance,
Calls out to me in a voice raised...
Raised so to be heard above the
Waves and the wind.
Turning at the voice, I see... Him...
Standing but a few steps away.
Raising His arms in supplication...
He stands... inviting me, urging me
To come to Him and be enfolded
Within his warm embrace.
- COMMENTS
Victoria_2001_02769almost 15 years agoAuthorI am so glad you liked this piece too. And yes, the words flowed with their own fluidity as I wrote. I had a special friend who was the muse behind the word flow for this piece.
This was written with him in mind.
Thank you for your comments. I am pleased to know that this piece touched you as well.
Victoria_2001_02769almost 15 years agoAuthorThank you for your comments and praise. This piece almost wrote itself and the images that ran through my mind as I wrote lent themselves well to the power within the words.
Austere? Perhaps. I could feel the rain pelting against the skin and stinging when it hit bare skin. As I wrote, I could hear the surf as the storm increased and feel the people as they bumped into me.
But... all in all... I loved the ending. For that image is truly what was emblazoned on my mind.
Amyfriendabout 15 years agoYour words flowed beautifully. So much better than the first one, although I felt that was also good.
LeBrozabout 17 years agoNow this is much better than CF I; while it could use some minor tweaking, it is more austere and, as a result, more powerful. The end is excellent as it leaves possibilities open for the reader to imagine.
Victoria_2001_02769over 19 years agoAuthorLady Cat-lover:
Thank you for you most kind words... I am glad you found this one better then the first. As I said to "lovelylisa" ~ this work has special meaning to me... and instead of keeping it to myself... or letting it get "lost" ~ I opted to share with the many.
