- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Come to Me
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In the night she thought she heard him,
a drawn out cry, the voice echoed
in her head called her name.
Asking for help or simply shouting,
shouting for her to come to him.
Unheard for such a long time. She knew
it wasn't him, how could it be?
And yet the feeling he was near
so strong to make her slip
from her bed and stand
by the window, listening.
Inside the house slept, each person
wrapped in their own warmth.
Outside clear and silent dark,
white-pricked stars in the sky
a low moon tangled in the trees.
She pressed her forehead
against the glass and waited,
but it didn't come again.
It would never come again.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 13 years ago"each person" with "their" is wrong. You know better! Should be his or her own warmth. A decent poem, tho not your best.
buttersalmost 13 years agoas some others have, you definitely embrace the reader with this - you make them a part of the experience of your poem by allowing them to bring their shared memories/sensations to the table. who hasn't felt the cool of a night window against their forehead? who hasn't experienced something of that tangible longing, that feeling of having been called, needed, but unable to respond till too late or not at all....
i really like this, UYS, but the punctuation choices were a definite distraction for me.
simply__mealmost 13 years agoit's nice. A good poem. I'll nitpick. The third line sounds weird to me, like you need an 'and' after head. Then I think you need a comma after near in the eighth line. In the twelfth line, it could read 'Inside the house, each person slept'. A couple of other commas I might add. I only write this because you use much realism in this poem and exacting grammar. Those just stood out to me. But like others say, quite good, so I nitpick to offer you some feedback. You may be using a form I do not understand since I have no training in poetry. I'm by my own interpretation as to how it should read.
lorencinoalmost 13 years agoI felt the longing that stretches across a lifetime and the secret place in your heart that will be forever empty though time has dulled the pain enough to allow you to carry your secret and still live a full life.
