Comic Cuts

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102 words
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fridayam
fridayam
50 Followers

(A sharp-edged setting
summed up pronto—
moonlit penthouse,
high-tech, empty.)

Telephone burbles
and sex interrupted:
he answers in silence,
she listens in dread.

A gun from a drawer is
hastily pocketed,
a hurried embrace then
she watches him go.

The next time she sees him
he bleeds on her shoulder
in the back of a limo
on a traffic-free street.

Revenge is a boardroom,
seven suits in a row:
there’s blams and there’s blood
and a reckoning is done.

He looks tired when she greets him,
there’s a cut-out of kiss,
then they walk away happy,
a long shot of bliss.

fridayam
fridayam
50 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
5 Comments
Maria2394Maria2394about 13 years ago
I love the tempo

meter, cadence,whatever you want to call it, but when taken in context of the rest of the poem, and really, how else can you take it, the last line is killer!!

friday, I really enjoy reading you and look forward to your next submission. I hope you take my advice and branch out, there's a huge audience beyond Lit who would love reading you.

~ maria

Esperanza_HidalgoEsperanza_Hidalgoabout 13 years ago
If you

are directing this throw me a bone. Very black and white detective feeling. Can see this in my head as you are writing the words. Likes and saved this one to read last this morning. Now nap time for a couple of hirs, then on to today's stuff...friday, you remain one of my favs here.. Thanks dude, for friending me not so long, but oh so long, ago.

vrosej10vrosej10about 13 years ago
Kudos!

I tried this move with First Anniversary Sex and fluffed the ending. I like the visuals, very cinema noir. Getting a recommend.

AngelineAngelineabout 13 years ago
Only a director

could come up with this dizzying parade of images. I can practically see the camera panning and the effects zoomed in and out, and from it all this film-like narrative emerges. It all works really well, but I don't know what blams are! :D

twelveoonetwelveooneabout 13 years ago
*

100!

new writers, take note of the first stanza, this is his intro, a slight shift in meaning is imposed on the poem from he he started on the second.

take a look at the last line

a long shot of bliss.

Did you see that?

Good writing

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