Confessions from a Domme in love

Got another email from you today...
It's been years since we last saw each other.

Sitting, crosslegged at a café
sipping a grande cappacino
looking out toward the market as the sun fades
pondering what we had, or could have had
I see all of you clearly in my mind
even after all this time
what you felt like
smelt and tasted like
the sound of your voice
What we shared together
the adventures that also never were

Our time together opened a door in my heart and mind
I thank you for at least that
You taught me to really let go
to embrace simply the joy of a deep connection
even if it was brief for you and I
I take that with me
It is always present when meeting anyone
there, as a constant reminder...of you
You marked my mind and soul with that gift
empregnated me with a desire to find that again
Can anyone else fill me like you once did.

When I met you, I truly dived for the first time in my life
I took a chance on a great man who made me truly feel
Feel wanted, desired, beatiful and needed fully
I was wanton, liberated and happy
A feeling I had never truly found before
you were simply the catalyst
But what a force you were
Your quiet strength of mind and body
the way you would tease me, taunt me
I still fantasize about you often
waking up to you holding me
caressing me, touching my soul
I wanted from you what you could not offer
You wanted from me what hurt the most to give
I let you go!

You never knew the cost
what it costs me still
My biggest fear come to life
To have risked all only to lose it
One more loss in the sea of many
The one still crushing my heart
since you also didn't fight for me.
But it taught me a hard lesson
you weren't mine to keep
I have the memory of the blessings of our union
Still now, after all this time

Much is left unsaid between us
Pride and fear in the way
I do not know if that will ever heal
We had such promise
But trust was also lost for me
Even now, I am battling myself
for how I am feeling
and how I should be able to let you go
everytime I think I've succeeded, you intercede
your email comes to flood me with it all again
I cannot seem to leave you in the past, where you belong.

I should feel whole, especially now
with the love of a wonderful man
a man with whom I can be as open as we once were
where nothing is left unsaid
where nothing is left to chance
he knows all about me, including about you
he knows you still weight on my mind
that I have less room for him in my heart
He accepts that and is taking the chance
the kinship he and I have is wonderful
So why can't I let you go!?!

I sit here, contemplating my future
Much has changed since we last spoke
I am not the same person you once knew
The nut has cracked and I am more exposed than ever
Happier in my new found knowledge and acceptance.
I also know you have changed much
I wonder if it is for the better
I beg for the courage to let you go
I need your help in this for you are still an active player
Let me go fully, allow me to move on...please!
Or come and claim me, to risk it all!