- Erotic Poetry
- Constellation
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Broad shoulders
rising to the challenge
keeping me off center
pushing my horizons
wanting more than we've been
Eyes in night ink
narrow in, zero in
targeting flesh and heat
desires in the threats
a low rumble before the pounce
Fear and scent
feed the glow within you
teasing, taunting, heightening
charging toward me
in a flash of red, I'm down
Your pleasure in the sounds
my puffs of air panting faster
whimpers, moans and cries
held oh so tight
don't move, don't touch
Searing pain
I asked for it all
or did I beg you
no matter
you take us there.
I look up and know you're with me.
- COMMENTS
LeBrozabout 16 years agoAnge has some good point there in her comment. By all means, drop that last line. Also, look where you can tighten it up to increase the impact of your words. For example, the first two lines of the third strophe:<br>
<br>
Fear and scent<br>
feed the glow within you<br>
<br>
might sound better as:<br>
<br>
Fear and scent<br>
feed your glow<br>
<br>
or perhaps:<br>
<br>
Fear and scent<br>
feed the glow within<br>
<br>
Of course editing is a never ending process. It's what makes poetry such a fascinating adventure in discovery.
Angelineabout 16 years agoalso some wonderful phrases. I do think you could trim it down a bit and make it a tighter read. And I really feel this poem would be more powerful if you deleted the last line and ended on what's now the next to last. Great to see another poem from you though--I really enjoy reading you. :-)
