- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Contempt
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Click hereA last look back
from the door
unspoken contempt
she turns, click clack
click clack on the stairs
heels fade to silence
in the hall. Slam.
the door closes
quiet again
her engine starts
and goes away
the end.
- COMMENTS
greenmountaineerabout 13 years agoI agree with Vee. I liked this but had a little trouble with what felt like word play using inverterted syntax throughout the poem: "a last look back...she turns"
and I wasn't sure about "...and goes away/the end."
Nonetheless, these lines:
"heels fade to silence/in the hall. Slam."
were excellent and brought the poem into a nice sharp focus for me in their meter with the first line starting strong and ending soft (silence) and the next line starting soft and ending hard (Slam.) both at line breaks adding even more emphasis with their corresponding pauses.
I might have added an exclamation point after "Slam.," but that may be a quibble on my part.
twelveooneabout 13 years agowell, I gave it a five, cause I gave the rant a 5, so I must be on some kind of high, but it could use a little work.
buttersabout 13 years agothis is a kind of 'the poem is the man' thing. she's looking back in contempt, and the look on her face is saying 'is this all you got?' there's no life, no passion, no vavava voom from his side, if this is about a him at all. the only passion and life are in the sounds of anger and her walking away, the car engine coming to life only to drive away.
i suppose this might as easily be about a house, a parent, her own past she's walking out on - but the telling silence holds up in direct contrast to her sound.
having said that, you might intend something quite different, ishtat. it's my interpretation but even now i really don't get to feel that engaged with it. so a 4 from me.
