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Click hereHe read his smart book after supper
that told him how to engineer
a universe she never found
to have a rhyme for all its reason.
She dreamed of summer's setting sun
blood red, a scent of musk,
and purple veins of love at dusk.
He turned another page.
So did she so to speak,
when at last she spread her wings
but felt just incandescent heat
from the reading lamp she flicked
after half the crumpled sheets
turned cold again at midnight
until the morning when the earth
spun and tilted suddenly
and shook the hand that spilled the cream
she tried to pour in lukewarm coffee.
I miss read the change of gender in the pronouns in the first stanza. it makes more sense now. Still need a little more clarity but some of the misunderstanding was down to me...I'm more than a little off at the moment...
I'm going back to the drawing board on this one, given the comments. The 1st stanza was an attempt to portray a loveless relationship, probably a marriage, in which the woman fantasized about a sexual affair. In the 2nd stanza she acted upon the fantasy, only to have been left by her lover after his needs were met, leaving her alone in the motel, lost in thought over a cold cup of coffee in the morning.
Thanks to everyone for their comments. I obviously need to bring the narrative into sharper focus.
I have some of the problems with this one the others did, but I think I get the first chapter. The dude is reading possibly a romance novel either to enhance his romantic skills or his lovemaking skills. The second one suggests he did the research but when his lady comes knocking, he doesn't deliver. Am I close?
It's slightly weird to read something that seems well written but with which I somehow fail to engage...and I can't figure out why, and therefore can't really comment sensibly!
.....others have said, a difficult read which is a shame as it has the bones of something better. There are some lovely lines and images but the whole is muddied for some reason.
I like poetry with some mystery but this has too many red herrings for me.
Tess