- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Conversation While Drowning
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Click hereIt's mostly bubbles, her voice,
Little pops that wet
My ear with her damp neediness.
This frightens me, for I cannot swim.
Simple dread pulls me under.
There is no need for teeth
To clamp onto a loose leg, a free hand, my neck.
I flounder like a horse afloat in kelp—
The struggle simply binds
Me tighter into cling. My death
Comes when some thick and wat'ry log
Batters me of breath and breath and breath.
Survivor Poetry Contest
Poet's Choice (Free Verse)
- COMMENTS
Sapphos Sisteralmost 15 years agoCan't understand why people can't understand! Really liked it but not sure about 'cling' - verb?
bluebellalmost 15 years agoYou've done it again. It's strange that some others read your work and think, "Oh yes, this makes sense but the camera angle's a little askew" and I don't see that at all. Maybe my head is already tilted that way because it just already makes sense to me, even without that lingering question mark. This one is once again smart and incisive. I like how you don't shy away from your own shortcomings in your writing. Some people have a tendency to show themselves in their own best light and your candor is refreshing. Thanks for sharing.
vrosej10almost 15 years agoThis perfectly captured the "clinging ivy" kind of relationship for me. Good work.
DreamyLeeralmost 15 years agothe bubbles reference made me think more of soapbubbles than air escaping as you were drowning and thats why the swimming reference is such a speedbump. maybe introduce swimming earlier, by swapping a line or two. you had me until 'wat'ry,' for the most part.
Epmd607almost 15 years agobut swimming sort of threw me off. Overall the poem reads nice.
